i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
