Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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