you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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