Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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