i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
