I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
