I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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