I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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