Dual....:-)
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
