I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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