so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
