I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
