How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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