We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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