becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
