some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
