WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When are your genitals available?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
