Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
