I just made out with a guy for $7.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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