Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
