The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
