i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
