Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
