Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
