The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
