Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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