Pregnant stripper...not hot.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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