oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
