did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
