He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
