Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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