Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
