I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
