she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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