It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
