I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
