I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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