i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
