i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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