We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
