he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
