My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
