your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
