I got chris browned last night
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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