I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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