he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
