I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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