I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
