Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
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There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
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what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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