Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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