I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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