I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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