wrigley field is MILF paradise
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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