Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
