We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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