yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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