I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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