Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize