Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he was CRYING into my vagina
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
