i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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