my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize