This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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