drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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