great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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