I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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