New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
