so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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