party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
