4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
