I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
