im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
